


What Now?

by thelonglostmarauder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15.18, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, season 15 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonglostmarauder/pseuds/thelonglostmarauder
Summary: Dean's thoughts after the events of 15.18. What had just happened, and how could he possibly move forward?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 49





	What Now?

His phone was buzzing in his hand; it was Sam again, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer it. He couldn’t even set down the phone. Dean became completely frozen. 

Too much was running through his head, it was hard to focus on just one thought. It paralyzed him. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

How could Cas do that to him? It’s like Sam said to him a few days ago. He thought they moved past keeping secrets from one another. And with something this big… 

What now? Cas loved him. It was all he ever wanted to hear. And now… Cas wasn’t even here. Dean wanted so badly to tell him everything. Everything he felt for him. Even if Dean had processed what was happening and tried to respond, Cas wouldn’t have let him. Dean loved Cas more than he could even admit himself, and now Cas didn’t even know. 

No, that wasn’t true, Dean quickly told himself. Cas knew how much he meant to Dean. After all these years, Cas knew. From everything they’ve been through, moments they shared, disasters they faced, and prayers Dean sent. Cas knew how Dean felt. 

He finally dropped his phone, to move his hand to his shoulder, where Cas had pushed him out of the way. There was a bloody handprint left there, as Cas had used his own blood to keep Billie out. 

Dean didn’t know how much time had passed when Sam had found him. What did it matter, anyway? 

And even though Sam and Jack had gotten to him, he didn’t move. Seeing them just brought about more tears, because how could he possibly tell them what happened? Dean didn’t even register how terrified Sam looked. 

Sam sat beside Dean and did his best to console him, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, once Sam thought it was safe, he asked Dean if Cas vanished. Dean only shook his head. 

“What happened then?” 

“The Empty…” was all Dean managed to get out. Jack stumbled backward, drawing Sam’s attention for the first time since they found Dean. 

Jack went on to explain what really happened when Castiel found him in Heaven, “I’m so sorry I never told you, but Castiel thought it was best if you didn’t know,” 

Sam gave a quick nod, “I don't like it, but I know why he did it.” 

“This is all my fault…” Jack choked out, tears were falling before he could even register what happened. 

For the first time, Dean stood up, “Hey, look at me. This was not your fault. This was Cas’s decision. He made that deal with the Empty because he cares about you. That’s not on you. He knew what he was doing then, and he knew what he was doing now.” 

“But, I don’t understand. The Empty said it would take him only when he experienced true happiness. How did he experience that when he was running for his life? Did the Empty go back on the deal?” 

Dean looked away from both of them, “No… it didn’t,”

Jack looked like he wanted to say more, but Sam stopped him. 

“What’s going on, why are you back already?” But Sam didn’t need to answer, “He’s taking more than just people from other worlds, isn’t he?” 

Sam nodded. 

“Alright, let’s figure out what we’re up against,”

**Author's Note:**

> My take on what happened after, and Dean's internal monologue. I guess we'll find out what really happens in a few days! This was my first time writing fanfiction for SPN, and I definitely needed to write out some of my thoughts after watching the episode. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
